A Few Clues to Being a True Alabamian

By Mr. Wang
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  • "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
  • You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
  • You measure distance in minutes.
  • You know several people who have hit a deer.
  • Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
  • Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
  • You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
  • You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better. "
  • Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
  • Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
  • You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
  • You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
  • You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
  • All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
  • You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car. . . for your OWN car.
  • You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
  • You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
  • You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
  • You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
  • The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
  • You think that deer season is a national holiday.
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  • You find 90 degrees F "a little warm. "
  • You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
  • You know if another Alabamian is from southern, middle, or northern Alabama as soon as they open their mouth.
  • There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
  • You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.
  • A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop-- it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
  • Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' wal-martin'"
  • You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.
  • You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour & water (a delicacy known as "biscuit n' gravy")